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As a pastor, I am regularly called upon to provide times of pastoral counseling to those in the church who may be going through a tough time personally, with their kids, in their marriage, need some feedback regarding boundaries and communication, and just a listening ear with no agenda or judgment. That’s the gift of counseling and as a pastor, I can only offer up to a certain point and then I know to refer a person to a licensed professional counselor when the issue becomes more serious or beyond my capacity. This is just the reality of one of the hats that a pastor wears.

Coaching is more prevalent in our society, especially if you work in corporate America or are in some position of recognized leadership in an organization. Within leadership culture, “coaching” is something sought after when someone wants to raise their capacity in an area of growth or they want to pursue a new area of achievement. A coach is a professional who is sometimes specialized in an area of focus, like in the area of change management, working only with clergy, or their focus is on life coaching, which seeks to help you live your best life and thrive in all areas of your life. The purpose of hiring a coach is to help you take action. It is to work with someone who has many times already achieved what you would like to achieve and they help you break down your goals into actionable steps so that you can realize your dream.

Spiritual Direction is the least known among the three. We seek out a spiritual director when we want to explore our spirituality. Sometimes this is a hunger for more intimacy with God. Other times it is when a person was raised in one faith tradition and over time they come to realize that what they were taught is not what they can wholeheartedly believe as true anymore so they want to wrestle with that process. Sometimes, a person may simply be searching for more and it is time for them to awaken to the mystery of grace in their life. A spiritual director, like a counselor and a coach, is trained in a program of study and practical application and then certified. I sometimes define it as someone who comes alongside of you as you both listen to the Spirit.

My own experience with spiritual direction began when I started seminary. All these years later, I still see the same spiritual director once a month (through Zoom now) and it is one of the necessary parts of my self-care and support system as a pastor. Beyond my own personal experiences in spiritual direction, today I want to share a moment when I was the spiritual director. It was a time some time ago when I was meeting with a young woman who had previously gone through confirmation at her church. She was seeking to learn more. Her intellectual curiosity was always present, yet her ability to connect emotionally with what her mind was generating was difficult for her. I think this is true for all of humanity, don’t you?  She was able to discuss some very difficult things that she was unable to get past in her life and my role was to both listen to her, listen beyond what her words were saying to what her heart was saying, and to also listen to what the Spirit was saying. I remember so clearly hearing the Spirit encouraging me that she understood intellectually that God had forgiven her and that God loved her, but she wasn’t able to experience that truth for herself in a way that she could live it so she was basically stuck in the experience of the guilt and shame of what she had done. No matter what she knew in her head, her heart could not experience the forgiveness. There was a disconnect that is so common with all of us. The head and heart do not always know how to communicate to one another. I got this picture in my head of what to do. So, I asked her if she would write a short letter to the part of herself that showed up on the day that she was carrying around so much guilt and shame about; the part that did the thing that she couldn’t let go of. 

As she did that, I lit the candle on the table, which anyone who meets with me knows, it is just a symbol of the presence of Christ with us in the room doing the holy work that only Christ can do – transforming us into new creations. I left the room and as she finished, I brought in a big shredder and plugged it in. I told her that sometimes the head and the heart sometimes don’t connect until we take an action that builds a bridge. So, for her I wanted her, when she was ready, to come to the shredder with the part of her that needs God’s touch of forgiveness, redemption; the part that needs that shame removed from her life so that she can experience being made new; set free; and being made whole again. When she was ready, I turned on the shredder and she put the letter through the shredder and we both watched it as it slowly went in and disappeared. I raised my hands over her and spoke the words that she had heard many times before, but this time I could physically feel the Spirit’s presence. I said, “Hear the good news of the gospel. Only Christ came to this world and lived a perfect life so only Christ has the right to condemn you. But instead of condemning you, Christ redeems you and claims you as His own. He calls you, His beloved. Christ said; ‘All the old has now gone and the new life has come. You have been forgiven so be at peace’.” This sweet young girl’s heart had finally made the connection as tears streamed down her face. She got on her knees and put her face on her hands that touched the floor and was clearly giving thanks and grateful for God’s work in her that day. I sat in silence as she and God continued in their healing moment.

The significance of spiritual direction is that these holy moments can’t really happen in a church service with so much activity and without the one-on-one time. These things can only happen when God moves. I always imagine God putting God’s “super” on our “natural” and this is how we can live into this overcoming life that Christ died for us to live into each and every day so that God’s kingdom comes and God’s will be done here on earth right now as it is in heaven. The new creation life is breaking in right now friends. It is not something that we have to wait until the “great by-and-by” for. We can taste and see that God is good right here and now. And, spiritual direction creates a space for people from all walks of life, all belief systems and places on their spiritual journey to come and experience just a glimpse of the goodness and mercy of the Mystery of Grace.